Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Top Gear in Africa



Top Gear is a British television show about motor vehicles, primarily cars, and is the world's most widely watched factual television programme. It began in 1977 as a conventional motoring magazine show. Over time, and especially since a relaunch in 2002, it has developed a quirky, humorous and sometimes controversial style. The show is currently presented by Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May, and has featured at least three different test drivers known as The Stig. The programme is estimated to have around 350 million views per week in 170 different countries. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Top_Gear_(2002_TV_series)

I had not been a fan of the Top Gear Programme on TV, until recently. While in Uganda, I casually opened Clarkson’s book; “Driven to Distraction”, and read Clarkson’s criticism of the Mercedes ML 320 series car. I found it easy to read, comical though rather sexist.

Clarkson was in Norway and he joked that “the language is a portpourri of sounds and expression, like it was derived from noises made by mooses” I quote: “….the Norwegian for ‘parking’ is parkering….but doesn’t work with other verbs like ‘talking’ for instance is not talkering.”

Clarkson thinks the M-Class is pretty much like Norway the country. Efficient and good fun, but odd and too expensive! I promised myself to read the whole book, but months later haven’t touched it! Recently I was browsing through the day’s TV programmes and my eye caught site of Top Gear’s In search of the Source of The Nile program. I decided to watch it.
In this episode, Top Gear attempted to find the 'true' source of the Nile in £1500 estate cars. They claimed that no one had truly found its source and that some explorers who claimed to have found though this was not the case.

The episode begins in some small town in Uganda. Clarkson appears first with a station wagon BMW 527 2WD series. He liked it because of its simple mechanical engineering. We are told he bought it second hand from Britain at £1,500. Next Richard Hammond drives in with a Subaru Impreza WRX 4 WD turbo. He boasts that for £1500 this was the best car. Last is James may with a similar priced Volvo estate 850 R. Each one boasts that his car is the best.
We are told this epic journey in the heart of Africa is to find the real source of the Nile. In this little Ugandan village, villagers look on in awe, as the three white people with their cars seem lost. Motorcycle taxis (Boda boda as they are locally called) zoom past some with passengers, others with goods like iron bars!

In their conversation about the Nile, they claim the Romans, Arabs and early white explorers all searched in vain for the source of the Nile River. Today it is formerly known that it starts in Jinja, though other schools of thought claim it is in Rwanda or Burundi.
Within a few minutes we are taken to Jinja at the present source of the Nile. After looking around, they all agreed this was not the real source. On their way from Jinja, the motorcade of the president passed them. They were forced by security, like all other cars to give way. They proceeded to Entebbe, old airport where the Israelites rescued their people in 1977 in a daring raid. Signs of the raid by way of bullet holes are still evident almost 40 years later.

Art Entebbe, a Ford Scorpio was sighted, still in very good shape.

From Entebbe, the trio was stuck in a 3-hour traffic jam. They had never seen anything like this. Clarkson commented that it was like a scrap yard with vehicles either not moving or when they moved it was at 7 km per hour! The traffic jam offered them an opportunity to have breakfast from the vendors. There was roast meat, bananas, cassava and Rolex (a Uganda food made up of chapatti flat bread and eggs rolled up). The bananas were heavy and very nice according to Clarkson.

After 3 hours in the traffic jam, they proceed west. The road was like the M4 (a motorway which runs between London and South Wales in the United Kingdom). Along the way, they bought a present for Richard in form of a sofa. It was too big to fit in the boot, so he tied it on the roof of the Subaru. The speed humps along the highway punished the BMW and Volvo, which have low suspension. The Subaru however sailed through.
Experiencing Kampala's traffic jam:
Photo by http://www.bbcamerica.com/anglophenia
They drove for a long distance without finding a hotel. Following Richard’s advice, they branched off the highway very sure that they would find accommodation according to Richard’s theory. They didn’t. Back to the highway, they continued driving until they reached a small town where they looked for a place to sleep. They found ‘Economic Lodge’, but on inspecting their rooms, they found leaking bathrooms, dirty walls, loud sound on the roof made by rain hitting the iron sheets, dirty mattresses covered with human faeces (excrements) and they decided to sleep in the cars instead.

The next day, they decided to customize their cars to provide themselves with perfect accommodation: Egyptian cotton and a coffin used as a chest of drawers, a fridge with beer and a toilet and shower for Clarkson; a kitchenette with a gas cooker for Hammond and a library with a desk and books for May. They also bought a flat iron, which uses charcoal and many other incendiaries.

As they drover further west, they drove over more and more speed humps and at one time they seemed continuous. They made the car houses rumple throwing things like cutlery and books all over the cars. They also encountered more and more animals like monkeys and elephants. Between them they had intercommunication radios so they were able to talk to each other all the way through.

Eventually they got to the shores of lake Edward and had some chilled beer as they watched the sun go down. The Volvo had broken down along the way, but it was mended that evening. Clarkson’s BMW had a siren and they used an iPhone for navigation.

In Western Uganda pondering what next;
Photo by http://www.bbcamerica.com/anglophenia

They went around the lakes Edward and George and disproved the theory that the Nile starts in Rwanda or Burundi because these two lakes are not connected in any way by a river. Tanzania was the remaining possibility as the source of the Nile. They decided to drive through Rwanda to northern Tanzania to the east of lake Victoria, where they suspected the Nile originated from.

In Western Uganda:
Photo by http://www.bbcamerica.com/anglophenia
On their way to Rwanda through Kabale in Uganda, they drove past people riding wooden bicycles! The Subaru scampered along the bad roads unhindered unlike the BMW and Volvo. The road was really bad and they admitted this was one of the toughest top gear adventures.

Near Rwanda they got onto a good road and again they wrongly attributed it to the Chinese. Even when they entered Rwanda and met good roads, they also did the same. They found Rwanda had already forgotten the genocide on the surface at least with so many people walking along the roads all happily waving at the trio. After the short drive through Rwanda they crossed into Tanzania.

The makeshift raft:
Photo by http://www.bbcamerica.com/anglophenia
Somewhere in Tanzania the Subaru like the other cars before it for the first time gets mechanical problems and is unable to continue at the same pace with others. When they get along a riverbank, they fail to find a bridge to cross it. Clarkson gets out a heli camera (Camera mounted on a mini helicopter operated by radio) and sends it to the sky to scout around for any bridge they can use to cross the river. They establish that there is no bridge and decide to build a raft to use to cross. They collect logs, timber, empty fuel drums, and ropes and they build the raft. The first on the raft is Clarkson’s BMW and the others follow one by one. Unfortunately Hammond’s sofa and one of the cars of the camera crew don’t make it.

The Tanzanian roads are not as good as Uganda’s or Rwanda’s. Clarkson comments that they are not Chinese built. There are too many potholes, too many lake flies, but they eventually make it to the shores of lake Victoria. They used a ferry to cross the lake.

The road to Serengeti was terrible and they experiences tyre punctures, broken shock absorbers, airbag problems and the like. Each car experienced one sort of break down or another.  Along the way, they see hippos, zebras; wild beasts and other animals and they also enjoy the stunning beauty of the Tanzanian countryside.

After checking their bearings, they realized that the source of the Nile was in the vicinity. They decided to make an individual rush to find it, since history would recognize only the first guy to get to it. So they raced for the source in the same direction but using different paths. The passed buffaloes and lions along the way.
On one of the hills were they climbed the rocks, having left their cars at a lower level, James May beat Clarkson by a few seconds to find some watering hole amid the rocks, which he declared the new source of the Nile. Top gear and UK flags were hoisted at the point marking it as the source of the great river!

I found the two episodes hilarious to watch because of being extremely funny. The sofa gift offered to Hammond whose car did not have enough space, but still carried it on the roof shows the silliness that makes everyone smile. As a person who knows the Geography of where they were, it was interesting when some facts got misrepresented.

I took the photos below off my iPad from where I was watching the TV programme aired by Veronica televisie. Veronica is a commercial TV channel in the Netherlands, owned by SBS Broadcasting B.V. The subtitles are in Dutch.
Passenger service vans caught up in Kampala's unending traffic jam

Bananas atop a head of a young girl vendor in Kampala

Clarkson buys bananas during the jam

Roast meat during the jam hours

The Volvo stuck in Kampala's traffic jam

The cars

hammond in the lead in his Subaru Impreza along a Uganda highway

Clarkson, May and Hammond by May's Volvo

Hammond, Clarkson and May by the Volvo

1 comment:

Unknown said...

watched this episode but your detailed retelling was amazing.. we miss their humour

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